Be warned, love correction, be praised.

Well....if you think that God never works quickly.... I'd have to say I disagree with you. Today was the first day back at church for us in 3 weeks. Lots of "life" happening... I thought all was good and well... things moving in the right direction... then **BAM!!** I hit a brick wall today that still has be pondering where I got off track. Considering what's been going on, I'm glad God is working, very visually in my life right now. And I think its a test to see how much I'm hanging on to this world. Both in Sunday School as well as the service I was convicted of two things.... 1. I may be in a class of people that won't get to go into heaven. and that, quite honestly, scares the crap out of me. I'm terrified of not being in the right place with God to spend eternity with him. 2. I'm being warned... by God and by some of God's Children. and it made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. My heart is too fragile. And I've not been giving the nurturing it needs. I'm over here flying by the seat of my pants hoping I'm getting it right... and like always... I'm WAY OFF!
I can't just depend on my own understanding of this world, and where my emotions take me. The scriptures say that the heart is deceitful, and we should love correction. Right now, I'm smack dab in the middle of this juncture. The fact that God is still singing over me, even in the despicable situation, means so much, and keeps me from giving up.
Here I am again... with an answer to a sung prayer, that's hard to listen to, but I know will keep me from the temptation that lurks behind it. I know myself, and God knows me better, that I don't do well with temptation.

So here I go... back on my wayward journey. attempting to become more of who I know I should be, who I can be, and who I'm called to be. I don't want to just call myself by my family, title, or place in society. I want to be what Christ has Called me to be. To be a worker for the kingdom. To do my duty.

Growing Pains??? I think so!!!

Sometimes it's really hard to sit, and be still. To listen to just the buzzings of everyday life and to not react to it. Recently, as I've done that, many times the frantic obsession with the stress in my life lifts...even if just for a little while. There are many days where I get so overwhelmed with stress and unhappiness and that I just want to scream. It's hard. But then I sit back and just sit still.... and it is alleviated for a while.

Lately, the Lord has been moving in my heart. Stretching my faith more so than I thought was ever possible. And ITS AWESOME!!!!! I'm starting to think that maybe my prayers and wishing and wanting of faith like those I saw at concerts and bible camp is starting to come over me. I absolutely love the fact that I'm now in a church setting where I WANT to come home and get MORE!!! I want to pick up my bible and see where the lessons came from, read different translations, and study the context. I love that my church is now relating scripture to my everyday life rather than having story time or just saying this is what they did 2000 years ago. It's opened my eyes to things happening around me that are obviously "God things" because there is no other explanation.

I love that I have my "spiritual accountability" partners who I know I can run to if I have questions, or if I'm completely overwhelmed with what the world is putting on me. They can listen to my rant and slowly bring me back to the Truth.

I have to say that I know I fall short. And it's these moments when I struggle the most. I'm a work in progress, and that is the lesson I need to learn. I'm always going to be a work in progress. It's just how I use that progress in the world to further the Kingdom.

**on a short note. I have to say I'm sad about a recent post about my friends. My ex feels as though he's lost his best friends from childhood due to our divorce. I'm upset because he doesn't see the fact that he dropped them well before the divorce.... he never chose them to be his support system when he needed them. I'm sad because I feel like I've taken friendships away, even though I know I've done nothing of the sort. I just needed to get it out**

I pray you all have a wonderful rest of the weekend and week ahead. I pray that God uses the most unusual circumstances in order to show that it really is Him that can work miracles.

Quick update...

So here is where I'm at....

        I am feeling this overwhelming sense of needing to get my life in order so that I can be ready to follow God at the drop of a hat... meaning.. I am fully relying on God to help my debt situation, my job situation and my living situation.
         I'm starting to de-clutter my life.. trying to get rid of things that have held me back.. whether it is holding on to a memory of the past, or something I thought I couldn't do without....now it's time to start rethinking these things. Objects are just that... they can be purchased again later, especially if they bring me no good use right now.
        I have felt pushed into a corner when it comes to my job situation so I'm praying that it changes, and quickly. There's only so much room to be had when it comes to the legal business that I need change. I have also felt the pinch of learning to *truly* forgive and move on. I still get upset by things certain people do to those that love me and to myself. it's hard to move past those feelings into what greater good we can be accomplishing without obstacles in the way... but still, pain is present nonetheless.
        I *LOVE* my new church. It has helped me grow and think about things in a way that I hadn't been pushed to do yet, and it's causing me to grow and really think about my relationship with Christ, rather than being complacent in what I'm doing.

So..... there's the update of the month LOL.