Sometimes there are days I feel I'm doing really good..... then it's like the enemy decides to ruin all my fun! I was feeling so good today.. then realized how my spending habits are going to..again...put me in a bind... ugh. Being an adult kinda stinks sometimes. There are definitely days I yearn for the years of the past when I really didn't have any thing to worry about. But what fun is it if you never grow up? So, for now, I'll be a few days behind... but I've got my budget written for my next check, and I know I can do this.... I've done it before. But it's almost as if when I became single again, I didn't have to worry about budgets anymore?? LOL Where did that mentality come from?? If anything, the opposite is the truth! So here I am, finding myself slipping slowly into a self pity party... seeing how many times I haven't got it right, how much I'm not where I want to be, with whom I want to be with, not doing the things I want to do.
But that isn't the point is it? Today in church a great point was taught.... "Is your lantern lit?" When going through these low points in life, is your light still shining? Are you the city on a hill in the world of darkness? I know there are days that I'm not. And I'm working on making sure that my lantern is full, and my wick is lit. Christ was the light to the world, then he said, "You are the light of the world"- Matthew 5:14.
It is true that even the darkest of nights cannot hide a single, small light. But when lights come together, they are even brighter, reaching even further into the dark night. Some days I may need help to get my lantern lit....it may be dim some days, but I will do everything I can to help you light your lantern. You can't give, what you don't have... So I'm making it my goal to make sure that I'm always prepared.... that I'm not sleeping when the master comes back in the night.
Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful week, and let your little light shine :)
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
2015 - Dude, where's my DeLorean?
So I was asked about if I did this blog any longer... I suppose I didn't realize it had been so long since I had been here. So...how about a recap of life since April? that'll at least get us to now...
Here it goes -
In March I started a new job, and I love it so far. It's been a great move, especially considering how unhappy I was at my previous employer. We deal with such a unique group of individuals that there are days it just doesn't get any better. There is of course stress, but its a growing company, and I can see myself making a career out of it.
May - I turned 27.... nothing super exciting... went to North Carolina, and spent some time on the beach for a 3 day weekend. It was great :)
June - I started a personal training journey that lasted until December. It gave me such knowledge and a place to grow and has been my most successful venture yet when it comes to my health and fitness. I have lost about 1/3 of my goal, but I've gained significant strength, and have lost many, many inches. :)
July - Spent a great time with family in Springfield. I came to realize that I hadn't really spent time allowing the Holy Spirit any room in my life, and I finally let Him in. :) The sheer weight that was lifted off my shoulders was astounding, considering you never really know how much you're carrying until you let it all go.
August - I got baptized as a born again Christian with my friends who have seen my journey most of the way through. They have been pivotal in my gaining knowledge and helping me see the "real life" that Christians can live, not just some fairy tale of how it is supposed to me. I was so glad to be able to share that time with my mom, daughter and best friend.
Fall - was fairly uneventful. We had some awesome family photos taken by a church friend, and she did an amazing job. It has been awesome to see my kiddo grow since we've been at this church.
Holidays - we did a typical thanksgiving dinner, and did Christmas a little differently, but it is only to be expected when still trying to make new traditions. The Christmas program at church was wonderful. The kids really looked like they worked hard on it, and they did a fantastic job.
December - I took my insurance exam for work, and I was pleased that I passed the exam on the first go. It is a little intimidating, but once you really stick your feet in, it starts becoming like common sense. Since doing this, it has made a ton of difference in my understanding of we do at work.
January 2015 - Here it is!! The year many in my generation have been waiting for since we saw "Back to the Future" and can't help but be disappointed that I don't have a flying DeLorean to fly to work. But alas, we are here.
Of course there are the everlasting resolutions to change, do better, striving for more.... well, of course... we all should. I've got a few resolutions myself....so I guess here they go:
1. Get to know and become more like Christ. I still feel a lack in my relationship with Christ, and I know it's not because he hasn't been there. It's a constant struggle to keep my eye focused where it should be, not focusing on the "white noise" of my life.
2. Continue in my health journey. I may not have a trainer anymore, but I at least have knowledge to keep me going. Healthy food/drink choices, and getting moving... it's all part of it, but I see now how much I love it!
3. Being more financial stable. I hit a point this year where I nearly just lost it all... I was broke, I didn't see an end in sight, but there is one. And it starts one choice at a time. Kinda like my fitness. I am hoping to have my emergency fund fully funded, and pay down debt as much as I can.
I have another one... but it's not for new years.. it's more for me. I have noticed more and more how much I haven't valued myself. For years, even stretching into my childhood, I can remember not really feeling worth much. Always changing and giving as much as I could so that someone would like me, want to include me, and feel that I brought value to their life. I give and give and give, because it's how I show that I care for people. And it's not the giving part that is wrong, as I think you should give of yourself to those you love and care for. However, the self worth, and self confidence thoughts that keep steeping in my daily mood must go.
I have to continue to know that I am a child of a King. That I'm worth more than just what someone else says about me, my life, my choices. That who I am doesn't center around what I look like, the past mistakes I've made, or where my life has taken me up to this point. However, this is probably the most difficult part of my "new self" to come to terms with. Daily, there are struggles that rear their ugly heads, trying to bring me down. And at times, the cut is more deep than I am prepared to admit.
I've got a hurt heart, and a love that is too great to keep to myself, so I keep putting myself out there, in hopes that I can find something that feels the way it should. Hoping that I can still center my hope on Christ, so I can not just know, but feel the love he has for me.
So that's it... my new year, new me, new start. I pray you all have a blessed year with those you love.
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you - this is the Lord's declaration - Plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Here it goes -
In March I started a new job, and I love it so far. It's been a great move, especially considering how unhappy I was at my previous employer. We deal with such a unique group of individuals that there are days it just doesn't get any better. There is of course stress, but its a growing company, and I can see myself making a career out of it.
May - I turned 27.... nothing super exciting... went to North Carolina, and spent some time on the beach for a 3 day weekend. It was great :)
June - I started a personal training journey that lasted until December. It gave me such knowledge and a place to grow and has been my most successful venture yet when it comes to my health and fitness. I have lost about 1/3 of my goal, but I've gained significant strength, and have lost many, many inches. :)
July - Spent a great time with family in Springfield. I came to realize that I hadn't really spent time allowing the Holy Spirit any room in my life, and I finally let Him in. :) The sheer weight that was lifted off my shoulders was astounding, considering you never really know how much you're carrying until you let it all go.
August - I got baptized as a born again Christian with my friends who have seen my journey most of the way through. They have been pivotal in my gaining knowledge and helping me see the "real life" that Christians can live, not just some fairy tale of how it is supposed to me. I was so glad to be able to share that time with my mom, daughter and best friend.
Fall - was fairly uneventful. We had some awesome family photos taken by a church friend, and she did an amazing job. It has been awesome to see my kiddo grow since we've been at this church.
Holidays - we did a typical thanksgiving dinner, and did Christmas a little differently, but it is only to be expected when still trying to make new traditions. The Christmas program at church was wonderful. The kids really looked like they worked hard on it, and they did a fantastic job.
December - I took my insurance exam for work, and I was pleased that I passed the exam on the first go. It is a little intimidating, but once you really stick your feet in, it starts becoming like common sense. Since doing this, it has made a ton of difference in my understanding of we do at work.
January 2015 - Here it is!! The year many in my generation have been waiting for since we saw "Back to the Future" and can't help but be disappointed that I don't have a flying DeLorean to fly to work. But alas, we are here.
Of course there are the everlasting resolutions to change, do better, striving for more.... well, of course... we all should. I've got a few resolutions myself....so I guess here they go:
1. Get to know and become more like Christ. I still feel a lack in my relationship with Christ, and I know it's not because he hasn't been there. It's a constant struggle to keep my eye focused where it should be, not focusing on the "white noise" of my life.
2. Continue in my health journey. I may not have a trainer anymore, but I at least have knowledge to keep me going. Healthy food/drink choices, and getting moving... it's all part of it, but I see now how much I love it!
3. Being more financial stable. I hit a point this year where I nearly just lost it all... I was broke, I didn't see an end in sight, but there is one. And it starts one choice at a time. Kinda like my fitness. I am hoping to have my emergency fund fully funded, and pay down debt as much as I can.
I have another one... but it's not for new years.. it's more for me. I have noticed more and more how much I haven't valued myself. For years, even stretching into my childhood, I can remember not really feeling worth much. Always changing and giving as much as I could so that someone would like me, want to include me, and feel that I brought value to their life. I give and give and give, because it's how I show that I care for people. And it's not the giving part that is wrong, as I think you should give of yourself to those you love and care for. However, the self worth, and self confidence thoughts that keep steeping in my daily mood must go.
I have to continue to know that I am a child of a King. That I'm worth more than just what someone else says about me, my life, my choices. That who I am doesn't center around what I look like, the past mistakes I've made, or where my life has taken me up to this point. However, this is probably the most difficult part of my "new self" to come to terms with. Daily, there are struggles that rear their ugly heads, trying to bring me down. And at times, the cut is more deep than I am prepared to admit.
I've got a hurt heart, and a love that is too great to keep to myself, so I keep putting myself out there, in hopes that I can find something that feels the way it should. Hoping that I can still center my hope on Christ, so I can not just know, but feel the love he has for me.
So that's it... my new year, new me, new start. I pray you all have a blessed year with those you love.
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you - this is the Lord's declaration - Plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
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