Wow.. it seems crazy that I have an ambition to write on this thing every year, and it slowly dissipates as the year goes on. So much has gone on.. yet nothing much seems to have changed. I feel there has been much spiritual growth in the last two years that I've been a part of my new church family, yet I feel even further away at times.
I've become aware of how much of a hipocrite I've been. Basically getting people into a headlock, then telling them they need jesus. How pathetic is that? I know I need to grow in my spirit of compassion, my empathy, and just how to show that I love people. I'm an introverted extrovert....I want to be with people sometimes but I don't always want to open up. I still enjoy my time alone, yet crave for someone else to notice me.
God does all the things I need him to do, but I'm not always looking towards him; which means I don't always see what he's doing.
The last few weeks have been a major hurdle, and to be honest, the enemy was grabbing a foothold. I'm almost ashamed to say how far I faded in that short amount of time. But I struggle with self talk, low self worth, shame and guilt almost to an extreme. And instead of believing what I know is truth, I went down the rabbit hole. Until I confessed my struggles to a group of women who are my sisters in christ. They not only let me open up about all my struggles, they prayed for me.... and my burden was lifted. I'm not saying that I'm healed...im still struggling to get to a place of joy... but the slippery slope of my fade has at least stopped. And I don't feel compelled to just give up any longer.
I want you to know that it is my hope that one day, you can see the change that only God was able to complete in me. That my actions show the compassion I feel inside, and show the love God showed me to the outside world. I'm sorry to anyone that I've hurt in my journey...it wasn't intentional.
No comments:
Post a Comment