Today I took a big step in faith. I walked in faith on something I've been pondering on for awhile. I pray that I see it bless others as it's blessed me so far. I'm also hoping that it will help bring me closer to God. I feel like I'm ready for something more in my life. Whether its more time with friends and family... a new family of my own... or just this new relationship with god... I feel I'm ready for it.
I've been living in a prison of fear. You know.. that place where you know you need to move but you can't make your feet go...I would break down in tears, because I was so moved, yet I couldn't let myself get hurt again.. or fail jackie yet again. I was in a prison within my own heart. I've been doing better about reading the word, and also starting to trust god the way that I should, and that he's deserving of. I've been hurt, and I don't want to hurt again. I've got to allow god to break down the wall around my heart and show me what love looks like.. so that I can recognize it in myself, and in others. I feel like there's a swelling of affection to give.. and too many times before I've been willing to give it away so easily.. and that's been something that has hurt me. So as hard as it is to withhold what I feel I need to give away so freely, I think I might have to. Or figure out in me what the difference is between showing love to others, and receiving what I feel is love from others.
I feel I've been lacking in my life and there's this large urge to "do" something about it. I don't know what it'll look like... and to be honest I'm scared... I'm scared of being hurt, of being disappointed, of being let down... of failing... of messing it up again. But I can only try. I can only pray, and do what I feel god is telling me to do. I hope you all have a good weekend and let god bless you in his way, which is more than you can even imagine possible.
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