I've been absent a long while. Excuses line up, but in reality, I've been busy living. And now I'm busy contemplating. I'm hurting. I'm lonely. I'm growing.
Growing as the person and purpose God intended. I'm hurting because I had to let go of a person I love- with no clear answer if we will ever be in each other's lives again. I'm lonely because a keep my circle small - but yearn to be in constant company of others. I'm learning to go to God when I have these days that drag on. But inside my heart still aches. I hate knowing I caused pain. I want nothing more than to take it on myself so that no one would ever have to experience pain ever agin. And where does that leave us? I'm struggling with insomnia, with lack of energy and not being content. I want more, I want best, I want now. I know this is not the way the world works. I know life is a spectrum of time and we must work for what we want. I'm just growing weary and tired of this season. It seems a long season of tears, fear, and failure. THESE ARE NOT ME! These cannot define me.
There are days I don't even know where to begin...so I just go, to work, through the motions and home. I deserve better and so does jackie.
Speaking of which....this treasure I've been given to look over has been nothing but a light in my dark days. She's growing and learning so much so fast I have to remind myself sometimes she's still my little girl. Smart, beautiful, and crazy funny- she's got it all. It's so exciting to see her mature and grow.
That's enough for now. Maybe I'll keep up, maybe not. Just please pray- for the world, for the lost, the sick, the dying, and the orphans. Pray for peace, wisdom, discernment and rest.
No comments:
Post a Comment