Just got confirmation that no matter what.... my daughters life for sure has been changed forever... as of now, she has a half-sibling. I can't help but feel terrible about the thoughts that come through my mind in the heat of an emotional spell that I can't seem to get through. Hoping and praying that this is some sort of cruel joke, that there's a place in my heart that is envious that it is not me who is having a baby with the man who is my husband (even though that is shortly to be changed), that there's a part of me who doesn't want to see this pregnancy come to term.... These are all feelings and thoughts that run through my head daily. And I'm ashamed that I let my head and heart go there. But I can't help but think of how this changes my daughter's life. How will this change her relationship with her father? As if being a child of divorce isn't cruel enough, now she will have at least one sibling to pair with it...even if this current relationship her father has doesn't make it through the long run, just as mine hasn't.

What do I say to the woman who is currently with my spouse that I'm divorcing? How do I keep cordial with the person who has the very thing that I don't want to let go? Even though I know it's almost impossible to change the situation we're in, there's always a part of my heart that will crave the family that was there once. That will be hurt to see another in my place. I can only hope for myself and for my daughter that we are able to find a person who is loving, passionate and caring enough to both of us to give us the life we deserve; that we desire to have. I hope that person is out there somewhere.... waiting patiently to be found.