Well it seems as though life is definitely pouring right now... as if dealing with my current relationship status of separated... and dealing with the loss of the love of my life... salt continues to be poured onto the would and ground deeper and deeper within. The addition of a new significant other on his side...and now possibly a baby...I don't know where this all ends... Where is the thoughts of our daughter together... of how she will see all of this when she's older...
And then to say that I'm still his best friend?? WHAT!?!?!? Where was our friendship when we were trying to work on our marriage? Where was it when I tried to tell him that we needed to change something because things weren't the same as they always were? I'm tired of holding on to hope that this will one day be restored... and he says he's tired of carrying what we had? Meaning what? The image of a life together still? Or of the arguments stemming from hurt of a broken heart after 7 years of total devotion?
Something's got to give. I can only hope that my friends understand my severity in leaning onto them during this time... It's taking so much to make myself continue to live a life worth living with my baby girl and not just curl up on the couch in such a total depression that nothing gets done.
Is any of this irrational? I certainly hope not. And I hope it doesn't take half the amount of time as the relationship to get over this hurt. I just hope that somehow, I can let God heal my heart and block any further pain from this whole situation.
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