Somethin's comin.....somethin' good...

Sometimes it's almost comical how God can work in our lives.

Just yesterday I asked for prayer from a friend because I can feel myself starting a "depression" swing, things start irritating me more, I feel very isolated from everyone, including those closest to me, and I can't seem to get a grip on the most mundane things of life. Well, I also prayed... asking for someone to reach out... and lo and behold...not even 30 minutes later, a friend I haven't talked to in awhile, messaged me... it took me a minute to realize that I had in front of me an answered prayer! The fact it took me that long to realize it seems silly. But it was a physical "thing" I needed, from God... and He provided, with no hesitation.

Sometimes it's still dumbfounding to think that things like that happen. That prayers do get answered... even if not in our time... mine, fortunately was..but not all of them happen that quickly.

I just wanted to take a minute to tell you all my story, and to encourage you to not forget that there is always someone there who loves you more than anything, who cares about what's troubling you. If you need a friend, I'm here. My heart is open, and I'll give you as much as you need.

"For those to whom love is a stranger, may they find in you most generous friends"

Just an update.

Thought I would get back on here and give a few updates.

Work is... well....work :) There's always opportunities, just need to wait for the right one. Frustrations are continuing while I try to compensate for other schedules. Sometimes I feel so bad that Jackie is having to spend so much time with others because of our schedules. But then again, it's necessary. Hopefully it'll change soon, and we won't have to worry about it nearly as much.

Jackie is continuously growing and expanding her knowledge everyday, sometimes I feel as though I can't keep up with her! Our next big step is to try potty training again in a few weeks... she's showing more signs that she's ready, so hopefully it'll be better this time. :) She's speaking in sentences and shows me everyday how she takes after me and my stubborness :)

I'm still struggling with how I want to tackle this ministry that I feel has been laid on my heart. I'm hoping to spend some more time soon looking at how logistics would work, and who we can help soon!! I've also become very hard on myself to do better with what we have, so that we can succeed and be a happy family. It's going to be a tough road, but I know it is well worth the battle to get there.

Finally, I'm also looking into a new gym that allows for kids, and classes, and is still very affordable. It would give me the availability to get back into weights, and feel better about myself... I. Can. Not. Wait. :) Many many opportunities, and so many things to be excited about, I can only hope that I can contain myself :) I have so many things to be thankful for, and I don't say thank you nearly enough. Sometimes I feel bad, because I continue to say thanks to those who I feel I'm endebted to... but it never seem to be enough. I hope these people know the true gratitude I have for them being in my life.

Thank God for friends, family and taking care of my every need. Now to continue to become more of the person God sees me as, and less of what the world sees me as.

Know your place... betcha it's not what you think.

Something great was shared yesterday at church about our minds getting in the way of what we're supposed to be doing in our faithworks for Christ. It opened my eyes a little to where my mind might be getting in the way of my heart, and in the way of God doing good things through me. But it also got me thinking how often do we do things that we think are God leading us, but its really what we want. And, what if God calls us to a specific group of people, and not others? Is it up to us to feel guilty for where we feel we are called? Don't get me wrong... I think that there is always more we can do, but there is a specific purpose that God has for each and every one of us. We might not be able to help every hurting child, or sick person in the world. But God may call us to help just one portion of them. Whether it be the poor in your neighborhood, or a remote villiage in Uganda... They are all God's people. Who's to say that you're not meant to only minister to a select few to begin with? Your calling may change, as God places more of His plan in front of you, but I don't think we should feel guilty at all if we KNOW where God has put us. We DO need clarity to know that we are doing things for the right reason, however. Just because someone lives in a different part of the world doesn't mean that they are any less or more worthy of being helped than any other human being. Pray for clarity in God's plan for you, so that YOU understand it.. not the world. Pray for help in acheiving the goal, as anything in God is possible.

Just something that is on my mind today as I pray myself for clarity in where He is leading me.

Recoup time!

I'm back from a wonderful vacation to see my cousins who recently moved to Evansville, Indiana. It always does my heart some good when I'm able to spend time with them, not only as family, but as brothers and sisters in Christ. 

These cousins in particular have grown so much spiritually, and I can't thank God enough for putting them in my life. I have learned so much by what they've gone through, and how they chose to live their lives everyday, that I hope that one day, my life might be looked upon in the same way. It was "sorta" relaxing, as there were 4 kids under the age of four always running around entertaining us, and then us three adults. It was wonderful to see how "normal" life could be for people that strike me as "abnormal".... in the good way. 

There isn't the magic pill, spell, or action that makes life as a true Christian any easier. In fact, I think God knows far too well that it will be even more difficult than if we choose not to be. However, there is some comfort in knowing that there will be disagreements, crying children, frustrating bills and animals..... yet even in the midst of all of that... God is still there in the center, holding it together for us. 

Matthew 6:33 was brought up a few times during my visit. It's a scripture that has multiple meanings and applications, but to me, this weekend, it was about worry. It states to "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." It says that there's no need to worry, because God has already provided for us, when He took our sins... When we became man and went through everything that we went through... so that we wouldn't have to worry. It's still difficult to make that conscious decision to put down the worry, and to pick up the Word. And to have total faith in God's timing and not my own. 

This is really a test of being able to put my own priorities, and timelines aside, for the betterment of myself, my family, and of those around me, if I'm able to proceed toward Him, and His Glory, and His timing. His plan WILL WORK!!! But, only if you allow yourself to be placed fully in it without trying to change the puzzle piece that you've become. 

An epiphany...of sorts...

Today, I think more so that not, I've been made blatantly aware of how much I still need to grow in my personal relationship with Christ. But not only that; How much I need to continue to not just ask for forgiveness with the ultimate goal of being forgiven of the repercussions of my sin, but truly turning away from the ways that have led me there in the first place.

I think that personally this is the area I struggle the most. It's become more of a habit to ask for forgiveness because I don't want the consequences, but to truly turn away is something I still feel bogs me down everyday.

Today I was reminded that God doesn't always answer our prayers in the ways that we want them answered, but in the end, He always has a plan that is so much more than we could ever imagine. It's been a difficult 6+ months not really understanding why my life took the turns that it did both in my marriage and my family... But I have a feeling some of it was to see where my heart was (to show myself), to show somewhat where the path of Christ was in relation to where my walk had taken me, and to show me how things don't always go as planned.

I had gone WAAAYYY off path from where I thought my life was. In a short 6 months, I could almost feel my spirit take a turn... life in general just wasn't the same. But I think that once you're aware of the Spirit of Christ, there's always a little piece of you that hangs on, no matter how far away you might go from the path of your faith journey. That little piece of the Spirit is still within me, and I'm hungering again for more knowledge and how to better be a follower of Christ as well as a person who can show Christ's love for me in my everyday life.

So, I suppose my prayer and request from anyone who reads this, is that you continue to encourage those around you to lead a life of Christ, but also beware of where you are in your own journey. It may seem that everything is falling apart, but it may be that God is just putting the pieces where they need to go so that they fit into His puzzle rather than our own.

Hello...is there anybody out there?

Lately I feel like I'm seeing how fake people really are... how much of a fascade can people put on EVERY DAY and still feel like they are being themselves? I wish people would just be honest, upfront, and just say what they feel, instead of feeling like everyone needs to be politically correct about everything... in the end it just hurts people.

In other news,things are starting to gear up for summer. I've decided to run a 1/2 marathon in October... I start training Monday. I'm excited to see if I can finish this goal, to say that I've done something just for me. It's been awhile since I've ran, let along anything of measurable distance, but I'm excited to get on track with something like this. I'm trying to keep Jackie and I busy with trips to the park, and fun things to do outside. I want her to grow up knowing the fun we had versus the stress we had. I love that little girl to pieces!!

That's about all there is for today... I'll update once I finish that first training run!! HAHA

Trying to find myself

It's been awhile now... several things have come to pass. The old house is on the market, ready to sell, and we just had our estate sale, so all the excess is gone. I still have a few items to pick up, just need to get up motivation to clean out my car enough!!! HAHA! I find myself still having trouble with budgeting..especially on things such as food and gas... I'm so used to that being such a big part of my life... it's hard to change mentality towards it....especially not only going healthier, but only feeding half the # of people. But I'm learning... and hopefully quickly it'll become more habit, and easier to deal with.

I'm also struggling to find myself... and who I am in Christ. Finding the balance between needing the relationships with my friends, the relationship I have with Christ, which needs to grow, and how to deal with the amount of affection I feel for people in general. It's almost like I have a habit...an addiction...to loving and helping people. Monetarily, this isn't happening anymore, simply because I can't bring myself to trust that it'll be ok, when the budget shows $3 at the end of the month, without tithing... But also to show people how I love them.. how I want so badly to help... and all I can do is sit. Searching for the open door is difficult, but I hope I find it soon.

That's really all there is right now. With spring/summer here, it's been nice to get out with jackie, and have her play outside. Hope we get to do it more often. Next on the calendar is self defense class and a trip to indiana to see family. I can't wait. :)